Jewish Buddhism

Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl. Unless, of course, you have the closet space in the master bedroom.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as
wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha
with posture like that.

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called,
you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

Remove your winter underwear. Spring will follow. Maybe also the
vice police.

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do
the following: Get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?

Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the
bamboo. Learn of the bagel from the bagel.

Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in
mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal
illness.

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget these
simple things and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of
your problems.

The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not
take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.

Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the
second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.

The Buddha taught that one should practice loving-kindness to all
sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient
being who happens to be Jewish?

To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand
flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom
has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

Try not to Ying when the other person is Yanging. Better you both
Yang or Ying. Got it ?

You shall and may burn incense of Satya Nectar...but not on
Shabbos.

Nepal is in. The Bahamas and Mexico are out.

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then
what do you have? Bupkes .