Old Farmer
PG-Rated
An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, What's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster chucky. Wherever i go chucky Goes."
"I'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent, "we can't allow animals in the Theatre."
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Games for When We're Older
PG-Rated
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
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Dilemma
PG-Rated
Here's a dilemma for you.... With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.
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Bra Sizes
PG-Rated
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
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How to Survive a Minnesota Winder [PIC]
G-Rated
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Had to Happen [PIC]
R-Rated
Had to happen, I guess -- others wanting a piece of the Janet Jackson publicity. Sad that it's come to this.
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WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY
PG-Rated
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their ass. I thought the results were pretty interesting.
85% of women think their ass is too big.
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What Did You Think I Said?
G-Rated
After his death, Osama bin Laden went to paradise. He was greeted by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!"
Patrick Henry punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end America's liberty, but you failed."
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How to Shower
PG-Rated
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.
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Kids and their Questions
PG-Rated
A Mother is driving her little girl to her friends house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite."
"Ok," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother leaves and the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, " ... all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
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Mid-life Musings
G-Rated
I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be....
Puhleeeeeeeze!
I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.
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New Boots
R-Rated
An elderly couple, Sam and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Arizona.Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
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Importance of Sex Education
R-Rated
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."
The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold."
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Signs of the Times
PG-Rated
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
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