March 31, 2010

Loud Sex

PG-Rated

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, He lets out this ear splitting yell.'

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March 30, 2010

One Lady's Yearly Exam

PG-Rated

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. She started with certain basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asked.

"115," I said.

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March 28, 2010

Retirement Sex

PG-Rated

Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?'

'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex.'

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March 24, 2010

Outhouse Spring Cleaning

G-Rated

Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills of Northern New York.

Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.

Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate."

So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it."

See the rest of "Outhouse Spring Cleaning"

March 23, 2010

What happens in church...

G-Rated

An elderly couple are attending church services.

About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.

It says, " I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

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March 22, 2010

Easter Hats [PICS]

G-Rated

Would your cat sit still for this?

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March 21, 2010

Have you had your mammies grammed?

PG-Rated

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
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March 20, 2010

Adam and Eve

G-Rated

God was just about done creating man, but he had two things left over in his bag and He couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve. He thought He might just as well ask them.

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March 19, 2010

Never Fails

PG-Rated

A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

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March 17, 2010

Nick the Dragon Slayer

PG-Rated

Far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts. Although he was entranced Nick the Dragon Slayer knew the penalty for his desire would be death should he try and touch them.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

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March 15, 2010

Responsibility

PG-Rated

An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

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March 13, 2010

Redneck 911

PG-Rated

A couple of redneck hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other redneck starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

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March 11, 2010

Aussie Tourism

G-Rated

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

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March 10, 2010

Thank you for your order

PG-Rated

DEAR MADAM:

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT ORDER FROM OUR SEX TOYS SHOP.

YOU ASKED FOR THE LARGE RED VIBRATOR AS FEATURED ON OUR WALL DISPLAY.

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March 8, 2010

The Hypnotist

PG-Rated

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the light.

Claude the hypnotist said: 'I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'

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March 7, 2010

Lemon Pickers Wanted

G-Rated

A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

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March 5, 2010

A guy gets mighty hungry [PIC]

PG-Rated

...after a long morning of digging latrines.

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March 4, 2010

The next time you think YOU had a bad day [PICS]

PG-Rated

See the rest of "The next time you think YOU had a bad day [PICS]"

March 3, 2010

God Bless the Newfies

PG-Rated

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Newfie are all playing golf with their wives.

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee; and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.

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March 2, 2010

Date Rape Drug

PG-Rated

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A date rape drug on the market called "Beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.

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