January 31, 2008

Condom Shopping at Walmart

PG-Rated

A man was in a long line at Walmart. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.

She asked, 'What size condoms?'

See the rest of "Condom Shopping at Walmart"

January 30, 2008

Wisconsin Titty Bar [PIC]

PG-Rated

See the rest of "Wisconsin Titty Bar [PIC]"

January 29, 2008

Urgent regarding flip phones [PIC]

PG-Rated

**Urgent**
Very important!

DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS PLAY WITH FLIP PHONES.

A new study has revealed that flip phones can have very serious side effects to the reproductive development of young male children.

As the photo shows it can also lead to localized pain and discomfort.

Pass this on ...

for the sake of the children!

See the rest of "Urgent regarding flip phones [PIC]"

January 28, 2008

Minnesota Bird Feeder [PICS]

G-Rated

Ever worry about squirrels getting into your bird feeder? Well, look at this:

See the rest of "Minnesota Bird Feeder [PICS]"

January 27, 2008

Political Promises [PIC]

PG-Rated

See the rest of "Political Promises [PIC]"

January 26, 2008

Kittens [PIC]

G-Rated

'So there I was . . . Just relaxing in front of the T.V. When the kids yelled, "Hey Dad, come see the kittens!"'

See the rest of "Kittens [PIC]"

January 25, 2008

Test for Dementia

G-Rated

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

There are only 5 questions, so don't get all excited and confused yet.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces between the question and answers below are there so you don't see the correct answers until you've made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

See the rest of "Test for Dementia"

January 24, 2008

Eagles

PG-Rated

Did you know that eagles mate for life?

Well one day Harry the eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead! Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier.

See the rest of "Eagles"

January 23, 2008

Beer, Gambling and Golf

PG-Rated

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"

"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the homeless man said.

See the rest of "Beer, Gambling and Golf"

January 22, 2008

Dear Dogs

PG-Rated

Dear Dogs,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.

See the rest of "Dear Dogs"

January 21, 2008

Hangover Rating System

PG-Rated

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)

See the rest of "Hangover Rating System"

January 20, 2008

God's Email

PG-Rated

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."

See the rest of "God's Email"

January 19, 2008

The Elevator

PG-Rated

An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"

See the rest of "The Elevator"

January 18, 2008

Go Fly A Kite

PG-Rated

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds; then it comes crashing back down. He tries this a few more times with no success.

See the rest of "Go Fly A Kite"

January 17, 2008

Worlds Easiest Test

G-Rated

(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

See the rest of "Worlds Easiest Test"

January 16, 2008

Roadside Sobriety Test

PG-Rated

An Alexander County Deputy pulled a car over on I-57 about 2 miles north of the Missouri State line. When the Deputy asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Branson to do a show that night and didn't want to be late.

The Deputy told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The driver told the Deputy that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Deputy told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his squad car and asked if he could juggle them.

See the rest of "Roadside Sobriety Test"

January 15, 2008

Marriage Seminar

G-Rated

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David and his wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

See the rest of "Marriage Seminar"

January 14, 2008

One Small Dot

PG-Rated

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. The first little boy called upon, walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

See the rest of "One Small Dot"

January 13, 2008

Irish Bangers

PG-Rated

Sean and Pat fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money; between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of 50 pence.

Pat said, "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Sean said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all."

Pat replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

See the rest of "Irish Bangers"

January 12, 2008

Free to Good Home

G-Rated

After hanging up with a woman who's husband has made the infamous "it's me or the dog" threat, I assured her that I would put the word out there today. I'm confident if we all work together, a loving, permanent home can be found. So, here goes, feel free to cross post.

FREE TO GOOD HOME:

See the rest of "Free to Good Home"

January 11, 2008

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

G-Rated

I know I'm not going to understand women.

See the rest of "UNDERSTANDING WOMEN"

January 10, 2008

Seattle Shoes [PIC]

G-Rated

See the rest of "Seattle Shoes [PIC]"

January 9, 2008

Woman's remote [PIC]

G-Rated

See the rest of "Woman's remote [PIC]"

January 8, 2008

Winter Exercise Routine

G-Rated

If you're over 30, you might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.

Remember, always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!

See the rest of "Winter Exercise Routine"

January 7, 2008

Another Dream Shattered [PIC]

G-Rated

Finally, someone has managed to photograph the pot at the end of the rainbow!

See the rest of "Another Dream Shattered [PIC]"

January 6, 2008

Answer Just One Question [PICS]

R-Rated

See the rest of "Answer Just One Question [PICS]"

January 5, 2008

Losing a Friend [PIC]

R-Rated

See the rest of "Losing a Friend [PIC]"

January 4, 2008

How To Spot A Redneck Hunter With A DUI Conviction [PIC]

G-Rated

See the rest of "How To Spot A Redneck Hunter With A DUI Conviction [PIC]"

January 3, 2008

Maybe you haven't seen it all [PICS]

G-Rated

[23 fun images. Some have been around for a bit, others are new, at least to me. -ed.]

See the rest of "Maybe you haven't seen it all [PICS]"

January 2, 2008

For the Guy Who Has Everything [PIC]

PG-Rated

See the rest of "For the Guy Who Has Everything [PIC]"

January 1, 2008

10 Great Reasons to play Golf [PICS]

R-Rated

See the rest of "10 Great Reasons to play Golf [PICS]"