February 28, 2007

Cycle Power

PG-Rated

See the rest of "Cycle Power"

February 27, 2007

Cowboy Logic

R-Rated

The Sierra Club and the US Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predator, the tree-huggers had a "more humane" solution. What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, that the males castrated and let loose again, and the population would eventually be controlled. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's Association by the Sierra Club and the USFS.

See the rest of "Cowboy Logic"

February 26, 2007

Ebay has everything!

PG-Rated

You may notice that Forwarded Funnies is supported by advertising in the form of Google Adsense blocks on each page. Adsense is "contextual advertising", meaning that Google tries to match the ads to the contents of the page.

As you can imagine, on a site like Forwarded Funnies this can lead to some interesting ad placements. Consider this ad appearing along side yesterday's The Dam:

See the rest of "Ebay has everything!"

February 25, 2007

The Dam

PG-Rated

[Supposedly] This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.

-

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

See the rest of "The Dam"

February 24, 2007

Silly Puns

PG-Rated

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

See the rest of "Silly Puns"

February 23, 2007

How to hug a baby.

G-Rated

Attention all dogs! The following are important instructions for every dog to know.

Instructions for properly hugging a baby:

1.First, spy a baby:

See the rest of "How to hug a baby."

February 22, 2007

The Zipper

PG-Rated

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open." Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.

See the rest of "The Zipper"

February 20, 2007

Not Tonight Honey

PG-Rated

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head (??) and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

See the rest of "Not Tonight Honey"

February 19, 2007

Name That Tune

R-Rated

Can you name the tune represented by this picture?

See the rest of "Name That Tune"

February 18, 2007

Too True

PG-Rated

As I've matured........

I've learned that you cannot make
someone love you. All you can do is
stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

See the rest of "Too True"

February 17, 2007

The Sisterhood

G-Rated

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses

3. Taxis stop for us.

See the rest of "The Sisterhood"

February 16, 2007

Living it Up, Down South

PG-Rated


Redneck Yacht

See the rest of "Living it Up, Down South"

February 15, 2007

News Anchor

PG-Rated

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....

See the rest of "News Anchor"

February 14, 2007

Top 12 New-Year's Resolutions Made By Pets

G-Rated

12. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.

11. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.

10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

See the rest of "Top 12 New-Year's Resolutions Made By Pets"

February 13, 2007

The Train Ride

PG-Rated

In a train carriage there was Bill Clinton, George Bush, Janet Reno and Bo Derek. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard.

When they leave the tunnel, Clinton has a big red slap mark on his cheek.

See the rest of "The Train Ride"

February 12, 2007

The three bears - another version

G-Rated

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table.

He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?

See the rest of "The three bears - another version"

February 11, 2007

Little Boys Know More Than We Think

PG-Rated

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.

See the rest of "Little Boys Know More Than We Think"

February 10, 2007

The Young Doctor

PG-Rated

A new young MD doing his residency in O.B. always became quite embarrassed when performing female exams, and had unconsciously formed the habit of whistling softly to cover his embarrassment.

See the rest of "The Young Doctor"

February 9, 2007

Dogs and Cats

G-Rated

A dog thinks...hey these people I live with feed me, love me, provide a nice warm dry house, pet me, and take care of me...they must be gods!!!

See the rest of "Dogs and Cats"

February 8, 2007

The Trucker and the Blonde

G-Rated

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

See the rest of "The Trucker and the Blonde"

February 7, 2007

How to recognize an amateur - adult - photographer

R-Rated

See the rest of "How to recognize an amateur - adult - photographer"

February 6, 2007

Anger Mangement

PG-Rated

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, yelled "You're an a*****e!" and hung up.

See the rest of "Anger Mangement"

February 5, 2007

Lord of the ...

G-Rated

[In honor of a certain operating system, recently released. -ed]

Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows XP on my PC. I told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed him the Windows XP CD. To my surprise he threw it into my microwave oven and turned it on. Instantly I got very upset, because the CD had become precious to me, but he said, "Do not worry, it is unharmed."

See the rest of "Lord of the ..."

February 4, 2007

Cops are funny

PG-Rated

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country.

15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

See the rest of "Cops are funny"

February 3, 2007

Southern Girls

PG-Rated

Two southern girls from Georgia were sitting on their front porch one evening. One girl had just arrived back from New York and she was telling her girlfriend about some of the sites she had seen in the big city.

In a heavy southern drawl, she says, "You know, they have women up there who have sex with other women."

In a whispered voice, her friend replies, "Oh, my! What do they call them?"

See the rest of "Southern Girls"

February 2, 2007

Einstein

R-Rated

Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner Albert Einstein married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.

He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed, and postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection.

See the rest of "Einstein"

February 1, 2007

The Truth

R-Rated

To All my Friends & Family:

I am letting you know before you hear it from anyone else, or on the news, or through the internet rumor mill, that I have been contacted by a woman who alleges that I am the father of her child.

I do not know whether she wishes to substantiate this by means of a DNA test, however she has sent me a photograph of the child, which bears a very strong & undeniable resemblance to me.

On the basis of this photographic evidence I have decided to begin paying child support.

See the rest of "The Truth"