Welcome to the country

Here is a list of rules that will be handed to everyone:

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will all year.

2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW.

3. I have a 3/4 ton truck because I need it. Now drive or get out of the damn way.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Any references to "grain fed" when speaking of our women, will definitely get your ass kicked...by our women.

6. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings when a flock of mallards are about to land in front of my duck blind; I'm gonna shoot you instead.

8. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare.

9. No, we don't have cappuccinos or lattes. It's called coffee and we drink it black.

10. You DO NOT bring wine to dinner at my house. You bring Jack Daniels or Crown Royal. Goddamn yuppies.

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car, isn't it pretty. We're very impressed. We have quarter million dollar combines, we drive them 24-7, for two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We may only have one traffic light in town, however, we still stop when it's red. We may even stop if it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. We eat trout, pike, and walleye. If you really want sushi or caviar, it's available at the bait shop.

15. They are cows. They really don't give a shit if you honk or even "moo" at them. That's what they smell like; if you can't take it, the highways go two ways - get on one of them.

16. The "opener" refers to the first days of fishing and hunting season. They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So what if every person you pass in a truck waves? It's called being friendly, can you understand the concept?