Redneck Church

You'll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If:

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what kind of bait was used to catch 'em.

Opening day of deer season is an official church holiday.

When the preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering", five guys and two women stand up.

High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

The choir robes were donated by and are embroidered with the logo from "Billy Bob's Barbecue".

People think "rapture" is something that happens to you when you lift something way too heavy.

Baptizing is referred to as "branding".

The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.

The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

A church member requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "it ain't never been in any hole it couldn't get out of."

Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" in the favorite wine for communion.

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.