Forwarded Funnies http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/ Copyright 2010 Sat, 13 Mar 2010 08:00:00 -0800 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=4.32-en http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Redneck 911 A couple of redneck hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other redneck starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/redneck_911_000122.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/redneck_911_000122.html PG-Rated Sat, 13 Mar 2010 08:00:00 -0800 Aussie Tourism

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/aussie_tourism_002435.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/aussie_tourism_002435.html G-Rated Thu, 11 Mar 2010 17:02:52 -0800 Thank you for your order DEAR MADAM:

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT ORDER FROM OUR SEX TOYS SHOP.

YOU ASKED FOR THE LARGE RED VIBRATOR AS FEATURED ON OUR WALL DISPLAY.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/thank_you_for_your_order_002432.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/thank_you_for_your_order_002432.html PG-Rated Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:58:03 -0800 The Hypnotist It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the light.

Claude the hypnotist said: 'I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/the_hypnotist_002431.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/the_hypnotist_002431.html PG-Rated Mon, 08 Mar 2010 18:02:13 -0800 Lemon Pickers Wanted A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/lemon_pickers_wanted_002430.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/lemon_pickers_wanted_002430.html G-Rated Sun, 07 Mar 2010 12:20:00 -0800 A guy gets mighty hungry [PIC] ...after a long morning of digging latrines.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/a_guy_gets_mighty_hungry_pic_000121.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/a_guy_gets_mighty_hungry_pic_000121.html PG-Rated Fri, 05 Mar 2010 08:00:00 -0800 The next time you think YOU had a bad day [PICS] http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/the_next_time_you_think_you_had_a_bad_day_pics_000120.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/the_next_time_you_think_you_had_a_bad_day_pics_000120.html PG-Rated Thu, 04 Mar 2010 08:00:00 -0800 God Bless the Newfies An Englishman, an Irishman and a Newfie are all playing golf with their wives.

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee; and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/god_bless_the_newfies_000119.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/god_bless_the_newfies_000119.html PG-Rated Wed, 03 Mar 2010 08:00:00 -0800 Date Rape Drug Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A date rape drug on the market called "Beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/date_rape_drug_000117.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/date_rape_drug_000117.html PG-Rated Tue, 02 Mar 2010 08:00:00 -0800 A Bad Day at Hallmark Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are in a bad mood?

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/a_bad_day_at_hallmark_002428.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/a_bad_day_at_hallmark_002428.html PG-Rated Sat, 27 Feb 2010 08:00:00 -0800 Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house - mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, ratty T shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes..

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following:

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/mens_age_as_determined_by_a_trip_to_home_depot_002426.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/mens_age_as_determined_by_a_trip_to_home_depot_002426.html G-Rated Fri, 26 Feb 2010 08:00:00 -0800 Resimay To hoom it mei kansern,

I waunt to aply for the job what I saw in the paper.

I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..

I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain women and all the menn.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/resimay_002425.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/resimay_002425.html PG-Rated Thu, 25 Feb 2010 08:00:00 -0800 Canary No. 13 Three women are at a cocktail party. Their talk turns to their position in life, and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other.

The first woman says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.

The second woman says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/canary_no_13_000115.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/canary_no_13_000115.html PG-Rated Wed, 24 Feb 2010 08:00:00 -0800 8 Words 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car hood.
Male...........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male...........Playing football without a cup.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/8_words_000114.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/8_words_000114.html PG-Rated Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:00:00 -0800 The Gong After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

What's up with the big brass gong? one of his guests asked.

]]> http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/the_gong_002423.html http://www.forwardedfunnies.com/the_gong_002423.html PG-Rated Sat, 20 Feb 2010 08:00:00 -0800