If Dr. Seuss Was a Woman...

I'm glad I'm a woman -Yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live on Budweiser, Beer, nuts and Spam. I
don't brag to my buddies about my erections. I won't
drive to Hell before asking directions. I act nice
at parties; don't act like a clown;
And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down.

I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt. My
belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.
I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch;
or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.
I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman, you see- I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing-
and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting. Hair
won't grow from my ears, Or cover my back. And when I
bend over, you can't see my crack..

I'm a woman, alas-and I'm proud, don't you see?
I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee. I
don't live for golf, or shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I don't need male bonding; I don't cruise for chicks-
I'll never join the "Hair Club", or think with my dick. I'm
a woman, by chance And thankful I am!
I'm so glad I'm a woman; not a man, yes I am!