Housekeeping Hints for Real Women

The Good Housekeeping Way #1
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone,
for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with
your feet up eating it anyway.

The Good Housekeeping Way #2
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in
the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Women's Way
Buy Smash mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry
for up to a year.

The Good Housekeeping Way #3
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a
bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white
mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Women's Way
The Cheese Cake Shop sells cakes. They even do decorated
versions.

The Good Housekeeping Way #4
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking,
drop in a potato slice.

The Real Women's Way
If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough
shit. Please recite with me the Real Women's motto: "I made it and
you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

The Good Housekeeping Way #5
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator
and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way
I don't care if it could keep forever, I don't eat it!

The Good Housekeeping Way #6
Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before baking to yield
beautiful glossy finish.

The Real Women's Way
Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing any egg
whites over the crust so I don't do that either.

The Good Housekeeping Way #7
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on
your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

The Real Women's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in
2 ounces of tequila. Drink the Tequila. You might still have the
headache, but at least you will be too drunk to give a shit.

The Good Housekeeping Way #8
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing
gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way
Go ask mister tight arse cutelegs, single neighbour to do it
for you.

The Good Housekeeping Way #9
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in
casseroles and sauces.

The Real Women's Way
Leftover wine????? What leftover wine???????