Dog Rules

A list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

4. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

5. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'

8. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

10. I will not throw up in the car.

11. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

12. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

13. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.