[For all my friends in Colorado; you know who you are :-)
-FunnyMan]
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for
the Colorado Market:
Highlands Ranch Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at Park Meadows Mall. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named
Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face
lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
Englewood Barbie
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and
matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or
secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Colfax Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a
Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available
after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable
bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
Cherry Creek Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer h3.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership.
Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You
won't be able to afford any of them.
Commerce City Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a
NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of
Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's butt when she's drunk. Purchuse her pickup truck separately
and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Aspen Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit
and drinks Cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge. Optional
Percocet prescription available.
Thornton Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled
sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of
Commerce City Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low rise acid washed jeans,
fake finger nails, and a see through halter top. Also available with a mobile
home and 8-track tape player.
Boulder Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless
feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers
that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you
purchase two Boulder Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow
flag sticker for free.
Ft. Collins Barbie
She's basically Boulder Barbie, but with all the accessories of Highlands Ranch
Barbie, plus a kayak and mountain bike. As for Ft. Collins Ken, I would expect
his accessories to include a teeny tiny little Ph.D. diploma in entomology,
which enables him to double as a professional fly-fishing-consultant action
figure ($1200 graphite fly rod and miniature accessories licensed from Orvis
sold separately)
Aurora Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories
include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but
are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Arvada Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is cause he's always
hunting.
Greeley Barbie
This Spanish Speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired
temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The
optional Ken doll comes with a Meat Packers uniform and is missing three
fingers on his left hand. Green Cards are not available for Barbie or Ken.
Four Corners Barbie
This Barbie is the only Native American Barbie, She sits in a booth and sells
Native American Art for large sums of money to tourists.
Rifle Barbie
This Barbie comes with various bruises and several restraining orders. Front
teeth missing, but optional denture is available as well as broken down barrel
horse and shot glass collection.
Glenwood Springs Barbie
This Barbie comes with her own mountain bike. Available with SUV, complete with
Kayak on the roof and dog in the back. Optional Ken doll also comes with his
own mountain bike and dog.
