AN IRISH TOAST

John O'Reilly hoisted his Guinness and shouted, "Here's to spendin' the rest o' me life, between the soft, warm legs o' me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast o' the night."

She said, "Aye, and what was your toast?"

John stuttered, "Uh, 'Here's to spendin' the rest o' me life -- uh -- sitting in church besides me wife'!"

"Oh that is lovely indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night -- with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, and I was a bit surprised meself, you know! He's only been there twice! The first time he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."