A Toilet Brush

[True story, from a friend.]

The other day I went to the Post Office to mail a package to my brother.

But a little background is necessary to understand the package. You see, I'm a clean freak. And when I visit my mom's house, where my brother is now living, I notice that -- well, nearly the whole place, ahem -- needs cleaning.

Of course, for the past half dozen years, when my mom lived there but was going down hill, I went home and *cleaned*. Cleaned three toilets, 6 sinks, the tub, the shower (euuuu), woodwork and doors, oil the furniture, do the high dusting, clean the light covers, the refrigerator inside and out, loads of laundry (as, 6-8 in 3 days), floors, carpets, front porch, walkways, weeding. Oh, and the cooking and cleaning and errands. Some visits I spent 3-5 days, sleeping 3-5 hours per night maximum.

"How was your vacation?" Oh, fine, fine, chiropractor appointment tomorrow.

The ironic thing is that my mother was *paying a housecleaner*. Why did I still need to clean? Because she *didn't clean*. She mostly came to the house and sat and visited with my mom. When she did get up and move, she was too old to see well enough to really clean. A family friend said this housecleaner gal had gone upstairs and let the vacuum run in one spot for half an hour... we can only presume she was reading?

But I really have gotten off track here., haven't I? Where was I? Oh yes, since my brother moved in, things are about the same, pretty much everything needs cleaning, at least quarterly. Now, I've been trained as a professional cleaner, and you learn some neat tricks there, as: how to really get a toilet clean in the least amount of time possible.

But my brother's a paper-pusher at heart, and the thought that he'll ever move beyond using a brush to clean a toilet would be pure fantasy. But the thing is, when he bought the brush, he bought the *wrong brush*.

I mean, the local Community College does not have a listing for "Buying toilet brushes for maximum results, meets Tuesdays for 3 weeks beginning April 17th, $21 fees and supplies. Brush will be provided as part of class supplies."

But back to the subject at hand. The other day I went to the Post Office to mail a package to my brother.

"Do you need insurance on that?" the clerk asked. I started laughing. Then thought I'd better explain myself, I wasn't laughing at her, after all. "I don't, really. Actually it's a toilet brush." We both laughed. I added, "It cost $1.49, so if it doesn't get there, I'll get another one. And that's all that's in there, I couldn't think of anything else to add."

We both laughted again. I thought we had a nice rapport going, and that I'd made my point both thoroughly and in fun.

Until the clerk asked, "Do you need delivery confirmation on that?"

- Anne Allison