30 Things You'll Never Hear a West Virginia Boy Say

1. I'll taste before I salt

2. I'll Take Shakespeare For $1,000, Alex

3. Duct Tape Won't Fix That.

4. Come To Think Of It, I'll Have A Heineken.

5. We Don't Keep Firearms In This House.

6. We Don't Feed That To The Dog.

7. No Kids In The Back Of The Pickup,It's Just Not Safe.

8. Wrestling's Fake.

9. We're Vegetarians.

10. Do You Think My Gut Is Too Big?

11. I'll Have Grapefruit & Grapes Instead Of Biscuits & Gravy.

12. Honey, We Don't Need Another Dog.

13. Who Gives A Damn Who Won The Civil War.

14. Give Me The Small Bag Of Pork Rinds.

15. Too Many Deer Heads Detract From The Decor.

16. I Just Couldn't Find A Thing At Wal-Mart Today.

17. Trim The Fat Off That Steak.

18. Cappuccino Tastes Better Than Expresso.

19. The Tires On That Truck Are Too Big.

20. I've Got It All On The C Drive.

21. Unsweetened Tea Tastes Better.

22. My Fiancee, Bobbie Jo, Is Registered At Tiffany's.

23. I've Got Two Cases Of Zima For The Super Bowl.

24. Checkmate.

25. She's Too Young To Be Wearing A Bikini.

26. Hey, Here's An Episode Of "Hee Haw" That We've Not Seen.

27. I Don't Have A Favorite College Team.

28. You All.

29. Those Shorts Ought To Be A Little Longer, Betty Mae.

30. Nope, No More For Me. I'm Driving.