December 31, 2011

The Difference If You Marry a Canadian Girl

G-Rated

Three friends married women from different parts of the world...

The first man married a Asian girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Greek girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.

The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Canada . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

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December 18, 2011

New Drugs

PG-Rated

St. Mom's Wort ... Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen ... Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.

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December 17, 2011

Get Well...

G-Rated

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

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December 16, 2011

Lewinsky & Kaczynski

PG-Rated

This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the two words, Lewinsky and Kaczynski (the Unabomber), in a limerick. Here are the three winners:

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December 15, 2011

A Dancing Legend

G-Rated

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93.

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December 13, 2011

Exercise?

G-Rated

It is well documented that for every minute you exercise, you add a minute to your life. This enables you, at 85 years of age, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month!

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December 12, 2011

Redneck Love Poem

G-Rated

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE; SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL, SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

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December 11, 2011

A Serious Scientific Enquiry

G-Rated

"It all started with an enquiry from a nurse," Dr. Karl Kruszelnicki told listeners to his science phone-in show on the Triple J radio station in Brisbane. "She wanted to know whether she was contaminating the operating theatre she worked in by quietly farting in the sterile environment during operations, and I realised that I didn't know. But I was determined to find out."

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December 10, 2011

Priceless: The Reception

R-Rated

New hairdo: $45

Dress for Reception: $200

Matching new shoes: $70

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