July 31, 2011

Logic Test

G-Rated

The following is a test of your logic. Try to scroll so that only the questions are visible, the answers are underneath them. The questions are not that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

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July 30, 2011

POLISH DIVORCE

G-Rated

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him-"very quick". The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

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July 29, 2011

American Beer Brewers

PG-Rated

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

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July 28, 2011

THE PURPLE HAT

G-Rated

You have to be sure to read the very last line!!!

Beautiful Women

Age 3: She looks at herself and sees a Queen.

Age 8: She looks at herself and sees Cinderella.

Age 15: She looks at herself and sees an Ugly Sister (Mom, I can't go to school looking like this!)

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July 27, 2011

Be careful! [PIC]

X-Rated

Imagine: an incredibly handsome guy. A romantic supper in your favorite restaurant, candlelight. He is cool, intelligent, rich, he kisses wonderfully, dances like a God, all your friends are crazy about him, your parents adore him.

In one word: a man of your dreams.

He asks you to marry him, but there is one but. No sex before marriage.

You - of course - agree to all. You get the most beautiful wedding dress, the cake is equally fantastic, the wedding party is an event of the century.

And then .....

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July 26, 2011

While You're At Work... [PICS]

G-Rated

Ever wonder what your pets are up to while you're away? Now we know...

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July 16, 2011

The E-Mail Breakup

R-Rated

Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by sa ying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say that all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing.

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July 15, 2011

The Old Guy at the Gym

G-Rated

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing...

He asked the trainer that was near by "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"

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July 14, 2011

Three Dogs Visit the Vet

PG-Rated

Three dogs, a Doberman, a Boxer, and a Labrador are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation. The Doberman turns to the Boxer and says, "So why are you here?"

The Boxer replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything -- the sofa, the cat, and the kid. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The Doberman says, "So what is the vet going to do?"

"Lethal injection" came the reply from the sad Boxer.

The Doberman then turns to the Labrador and asks, "Why are you here?"

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July 13, 2011

50 dollars is 50 dollars

G-Rated

Morris and his wife Maggy went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Maggy, I'd like to ride in that airplane."

Maggy always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

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