May 31, 2011
The pain of being Blonde
A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"See the rest of "The pain of being Blonde"
May 30, 2011
A redneck goes to a pharmacist and says: "I got a hot date tonight, an' I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."See the rest of "Redneck Pertection"
May 23, 2011
New Book [PIC]
G-RatedSee the rest of "New Book [PIC]"
May 22, 2011
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:See the rest of "Sports Observation"
May 21, 2011
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - a lot cheaper than a doctor."See the rest of "Costco"
May 20, 2011
Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.See the rest of "Laws"
May 19, 2011
THE KITCHEN BITCH . . .
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train cause we're going down the tracks."See the rest of "THE KITCHEN BITCH . . ."
May 18, 2011
Blondes against... [PIC]
G-RatedSee the rest of "Blondes against... [PIC]"
May 17, 2011
While trying to escape from Baghdad, Saddam found a bottle in the desert and picked it up.
Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle, smiled and said, "Master, I am here to grant you one wish!"
"You ignorant unworthy daughter of a dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything!" barked Saddam.
The genie frowned and said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever." Saddam thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the inferior woman.See the rest of "Saddam"
May 16, 2011
Two Trees and a Woodpecker
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?See the rest of "Two Trees and a Woodpecker"
May 15, 2011
ALL PUNS INTENDED
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent..
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.See the rest of "ALL PUNS INTENDED"
May 14, 2011
WHEN TO START CUSSING
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.See the rest of "WHEN TO START CUSSING"
May 13, 2011
Piggy Bank [PIC]
Look at my piggy bank after I filled up with gas this morning:See the rest of "Piggy Bank [PIC]"