February 26, 2011

The blond mortician

PG-Rated

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

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February 24, 2011

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY

PG-Rated

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses; the results were pretty interesting:

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February 23, 2011

11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids

G-Rated

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

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February 22, 2011

A Modern Romance Novel

G-Rated

He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice, close to my ear.

"Just relax. . . "

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February 21, 2011

The Welfare Check

G-Rated

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

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February 20, 2011

Decisions

PG-Rated

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness".

"Now you probably won't remember but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again but...something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it!"

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February 16, 2011

Microsoft Windows for Hillbillies [PICS]

G-Rated

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February 6, 2011

The Older We Get...

G-Rated

Perks of reaching 50, of being 60 and of heading towards 70!

1.Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2.In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3.No one expects you to run. Anywhere.

4.People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"

5.People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

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February 4, 2011

Aging

G-Rated

A woman walking down a residential street, noticed a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. She called out to him as she passed. "Hello there! I couldn't help but notice how happy you look. What's your secret for a long happy life?"

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