November 27, 2010

Newlywed Cell Phone

G-Rated

A young man wanted to get his beautiful wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, so he decided to buy her a cell phone. She was all excited. She loved her phone. He explained to her all the features on the phone.

The next day she went shopping. Her phone rang, and it was her husband calling.

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November 26, 2010

Steroids + Viagra = [PIC]

X-Rated

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November 25, 2010

Dining

G-Rated

A man is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

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November 24, 2010

New Uses

PG-Rated

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the check-out counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight", the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"

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November 22, 2010

Smokin' in the Rain

PG-Rated

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.

Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

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November 21, 2010

Face in the Mirror

G-Rated

GOOD MORNING :

My face in the mirror
Isn't wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn't dirty.

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November 17, 2010

Traffic Control in Rural Montana [PIC]

G-Rated

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November 13, 2010

Laws

PG-Rated

1. In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Makes you hope you never need surgery!)

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November 12, 2010

The Rabbi & the IRS

PG-Rated

A young hotshot gets a job with the IRS. His first assignment is to audit an old rabbi.

He thinks he'll have a little fun with the old rabbi, so he says, "Rabbi, what do you do with the drippings from the candles?"

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November 10, 2010

Life With A Senior Driver [PIC]

G-Rated

No words needed...

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Improvements to Airport Security

G-Rated

Here's a simple solution to the controversy over full-body scanners at airports.

Develop an enclosed booth that passengers step into but, instead of X-raying them, when the door closes, it will detonate any explosive device they have hidden on or in their body. The explosion will be contained within the sealed booth. This would be a win-win for everyone!

Think about it...

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November 5, 2010

The Longest Password

G-Rated

During a recent password audit by Microsoft & Google, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

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