August 31, 2010

DRINKING OFFERS SAME BENEFITS AS YOGA [PICS]

G-Rated

(Who would have guessed I've been doing yoga all these years?)

Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga does !!!

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August 30, 2010

Scottish Librarian

PG-Rated

A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, 'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?'

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August 29, 2010

Dog Versus Squirrel [PICS]

G-Rated


This Labrador has a baby squirrel pinned down....and...Mother sees it (from above)!

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August 25, 2010

Donald and Daisy Duck

PG-Rated

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.

So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the > hotel clerk if they had condoms.

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August 24, 2010

Finally, a Cell Phone for Seniors [PIC]

G-Rated

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August 23, 2010

The Haircut

G-Rated

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

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August 22, 2010

Happy Birthday Ray! [Video]

R-Rated

Today is author Ray Bradbury's 90th birthday.

The internets got him a present.

I sure hope he likes it...

(Video NSFW: language.)

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August 21, 2010

A Lesson on Cultures [PIC]

PG-Rated

The American: businesslike, unwilling to be distracted.

The Canadian: self-absorbed and disconnected from reality.

The Italian and the French:

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August 20, 2010

A Computer Question [PIC]

R-Rated

Let's see how computer literate you are .......

WHAT WOULD CAUSE THIS TO APPEAR ON YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN?

123490=\qweriop[ asdhjkl (zxcvnm

GIVE UP?

SEE THE ANSWER BELOW!

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August 19, 2010

Daddy's car in the woods?

PG-Rated

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt..Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time.I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'

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August 13, 2010

Don't Step on the Ducks

G-Rated

Three guys die in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule in heaven. Don't step on the ducks!"

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August 12, 2010

Roulette

PG-Rated

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.

On the final day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said "As your stay is coming to an end, it is time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger." This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers. Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief. The African ambassador was much impressed with the courageous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.

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August 9, 2010

Courtroom Quotes

PG-Rated

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:

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August 4, 2010

It Pays to Know German

G-Rated

An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.

The Amish man shouts:

"Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in ihm geschissen!"

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August 3, 2010

Sex With A Cowboy [PICS]

PG-Rated

Prior to her trip to Texas , Buffy (a blonde New Yorker), confided to her co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State ;

1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.

2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo...And...

3. She wanted to have sex with a local cowboy..

Upon returning, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

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August 2, 2010

Patience and Wisdom [PIC]

G-Rated

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