November 30, 2009

Ghost Story

G-Rated

This happened in a little town in Raleigh, Newfoundland, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's absolutely true!

Charlie was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a terrible rain storm. The night was rolling, and no cars were on the road. The storm was so strong Charlie could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car coming toward him and stop. Charlie, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door - and only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel!

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November 26, 2009

Life in the New Millenium

G-Rated

You know you're living in the 2000's when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

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November 24, 2009

Re-calibrate your mouse!

G-Rated

You should actually do this every year.. Even more often if you spend a lot of time on the computer.

I was shocked to see how well this works, and how far off mine was!

To re-calibrate your mouse...

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November 22, 2009

Grandma's Boyfriend

PG-Rated

You have to be very careful how you explain things to kids!!!!!!!!!!!

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"

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November 20, 2009

How Pumpkins Are Made [PIC]

PG-Rated

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November 18, 2009

A Trip to Costco

PG-Rated


Yesterday I was at my local Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

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November 17, 2009

Keeping the Beat

G-Rated


I was in a restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

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November 16, 2009

Some things are just not worth bargaining down

G-Rated

THE LOST CHAPTER OF GENESIS

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.

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November 12, 2009

Bad Date [PIC]

R-Rated

One sign that the date has gone badly:

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November 8, 2009

Special Dinner

PG-Rated

A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends. "Oh, no!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to be really ticked if it's not ready on time."

When she got home, she discovered all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food, and she didn't have time to go to the supermarket. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf -- just as her husband walked through the door. She greeted him warmly, then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.

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November 7, 2009

Wine Flu

PG-Rated


I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol.

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November 4, 2009

Dog for Sale

PG-Rated


A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:

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