October 31, 2009

Why are we still there?

G-Rated

Every day there are news reports about more deaths. Every night on the TV are photos of death and destruction.... Why are we still there?

We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing but trouble.... Why are we still there?

See the rest of "Why are we still there?"

October 30, 2009

Women and Horses

G-Rated

In a press release today, the National Institutes of Health announced the discovery of a potentially dangerous substance in the hair of horses.

This substance, "amo-bacter equuii," has been linked with the following symptoms in female humans:

See the rest of "Women and Horses"

October 27, 2009

Pay Attention!

PG-Rated


First-year students at Texas A&M's vet school were attending their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

See the rest of "Pay Attention!"

October 23, 2009

Driver's License

PG-Rated


A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

See the rest of "Driver's License"

October 22, 2009

Hippies and Tattoos [PIC]

R-Rated

Have you ever wondered what happened to all those cute and crazy, good looking, young hippie chicks who did drugs, smoked weed, got tattooed everywhere and did every guy during the Age of Aquarius back in the 60's? See the rest of "Hippies and Tattoos [PIC]"

October 21, 2009

Chickens

PG-Rated


Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time wen by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

See the rest of "Chickens"

October 18, 2009

How I Learned to Mind My Own Business

PG-Rated


I was walking past the mental hospital the other day.

See the rest of "How I Learned to Mind My Own Business"

October 17, 2009

Pick-up Lines [PIC]

PG-Rated


Thank you for purchasing "Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-fire Pick-up Lines" brought to you by Bubba & Cooter, straight outta Texas. Enjoy!

See the rest of "Pick-up Lines [PIC]"

October 16, 2009

Ole Fills in for the Doctor

PG-Rated


A doctor in St. Johns wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. "Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients."

See the rest of "Ole Fills in for the Doctor"

October 15, 2009

Only in Texas

G-Rated


A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

See the rest of "Only in Texas"

October 14, 2009

The economy is so bad ...

G-Rated


The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

See the rest of "The economy is so bad ..."

October 12, 2009

A senior citizen said ...

PG-Rated


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

See the rest of "A senior citizen said ..."

October 11, 2009

Couple in their nineties ...

G-Rated


A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ...

See the rest of "Couple in their nineties ..."

October 10, 2009

Wheelchair

G-Rated


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.

See the rest of "Wheelchair"

October 9, 2009

Garage Door

PG-Rated


The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, "This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?" The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

See the rest of "Garage Door"

October 7, 2009

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and ...

G-Rated

A Sunday school teacher was speaking to a group of four-year-olds about Jesus, Joseph and Mary. After the lesson the kids were to draw a picture depicting their favorite part of the story. The teacher shared the pictures the children drew with the entire class. She got pictures of the Baby Jesus in the manger with animals, she got pictures of the three wise men and the like.

See the rest of "Jesus, Mary, Joseph and ..."

October 6, 2009

Do Not Be Late

G-Rated

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic. So..... the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

See the rest of "Do Not Be Late"