July 31, 2009

Retired Sailor

PG-Rated


An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old times sake.

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July 30, 2009

Getting Older Stinks III

G-Rated


Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.

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July 29, 2009

Getting Older Stinks II

PG-Rated


When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out.

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July 28, 2009

Ladies Night Out

PG-Rated


Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill.

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July 26, 2009

Getting Older Stinks

PG-Rated


Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

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July 25, 2009

Military Rules for the Non-Military

PG-Rated


Dear Civilians,

We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would like your assistance with:

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July 24, 2009

Sir Knight

PG-Rated


King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place which made it basically useless.

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July 23, 2009

Lawyer Bashing

PG-Rated


1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

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July 22, 2009

Income Tax

PG-Rated


A newly deceased man, David, stands at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells him that he cannot go to heaven right away because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. David decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven.

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July 21, 2009

Cinderella Reloaded

PG-Rated


Cinderella is now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now
dead Prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go
by from her front porch with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all
these years?"


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July 20, 2009

Change of Address

G-Rated


My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now was somewhere around $60.00)

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July 19, 2009

Don't Mess with the Elderly [PIC]

PG-Rated

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July 18, 2009

One of Those Days [PIC]

G-Rated

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July 17, 2009

It's What's for Dinner [PIC]

G-Rated

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July 16, 2009

Revenge is Sweet [PIC]

G-Rated

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July 15, 2009

Working for the Kibble [PIC]

G-Rated

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July 14, 2009

Dog Owners Beware [PIC]

G-Rated

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July 13, 2009

Be diligent at all border crossings ... [PIC]

G-Rated

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July 12, 2009

First Day with the New Boat [PIC]

G-Rated

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July 11, 2009

Swine Flu [PIC]

R-Rated

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July 10, 2009

Mature Love Making

R-Rated


The husband leans over and asks his wife,

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July 9, 2009

Blonde Teenage Girl

G-Rated


A blonde teenage girl, wanting to earn some extra money for the Summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

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July 8, 2009

Understanding Men

PG-Rated


Because I'm a man,
when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in.

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July 7, 2009

Southern Bartering

PG-Rated


Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent Mary Louise to the hardware store.

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July 6, 2009

Nuns

R-Rated


Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

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July 5, 2009

Like a Baby

R-Rated


A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make; the reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat-chested. If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding, it is okay with her.

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July 4, 2009

The Dentist

G-Rated


A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth."

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July 3, 2009

Never Piss off a Woman

PG-Rated


A wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength borne of fury, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed ...

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July 2, 2009

Blonde in a Pharmacy

PG-Rated


A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant...

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July 1, 2009

Widow of Murdered Fly Seeks White House Apology

R-Rated


Grieving widow faces uphill legal Battle against President

WASHINGTON -- The widow of the housefly murdered by Barack Obama During a recent CNBC television interview announced this morning That she would be filing a wrongful death suit against the President in federal district court. The plaintiff brief -- citing Pain, suffering and loss of income -- seeks a formal apology and Compensatory damages, including an unspecified quantity of shit.

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