March 30, 2009

Alaska - Land of Unique Problems

G-Rated

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March 29, 2009

Johnny's Balloon

G-Rated


A  little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger.

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March 27, 2009

Cough Medicine

G-Rated


The cold season is upon us, so be careful what you take!!!

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March 26, 2009

Southern Advice

G-Rated

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:
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March 25, 2009

I Like the Way that You're Thinking

PG-Rated


Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

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March 24, 2009

Headaches

G-Rated


A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

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March 23, 2009

The Ventriloquist

PG-Rated


A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show.

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15 Stupid Things Said by Bimbos

G-Rated

1. "What's Wal-Mart? Do they, like, make walls there?" - Paris Hilton

2. "Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields


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March 22, 2009

15 Kids

G-Rated

A woman walks into the Mississippi welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

"WOW!" the social worker exclaims. "Are they all yours?"

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March 21, 2009

$100

PG-Rated

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
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March 20, 2009

Blondes Digging Holes

G-Rated

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

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March 19, 2009

Blonde Ambition [PIC]

PG-Rated

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March 18, 2009

A Few of Life's Unanswered Questions

G-Rated

** Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
** Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

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March 17, 2009

And the University studies concluded...

R-Rated

In 1997, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000,they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

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March 16, 2009

Snoring Dogs

PG-Rated

A couple has a dog that snores.

Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. "Yeah right!" she says.

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March 15, 2009

Senior Eye Test [PIC]

PG-Rated

Do you see sheep?

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March 14, 2009

I'll Do It My Way [PIC]

R-Rated

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March 13, 2009

The Bathtub Test

G-Rated

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

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March 12, 2009

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

PG-Rated

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

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March 11, 2009

Is This What It Took? [PIC]

PG-Rated

My High School yrs would have been a good bit different had I known about this.

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March 10, 2009

Age Old Wisdom

G-Rated

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.
-- John Adams

2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
-- Mark Twain

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March 9, 2009

Gracious Sarah Palin

G-Rated

The election is over. It is time to repair friendships with the other party, and Governor Sarah Palin is doing her part to do just that. The rest of the world cannot understand how, after bitter election campaigns, American politicians can kiss and make up.

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March 8, 2009

Michaelangelo's David To Be Returned To Italy [PICS]

PG-Rated

After a two year loan to the United States, Michelangelo's David is being returned to Italy.

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March 7, 2009

A Point of View

PG-Rated

Barbara Walters of Television's 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.

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March 6, 2009

Financial Definitions

G-Rated

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

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March 5, 2009

Boy Kittens and Girl Kittens

G-Rated

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,

"There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."

"How did you know that?" his mother asked.

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March 4, 2009

Social Security

PG-Rated

A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.

After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.

"Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks.

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March 3, 2009

HOW DID WE SURVIVE?

G-Rated

Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have. As children we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

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March 2, 2009

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

G-Rated

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
--Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they Grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
--Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

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March 1, 2009

Slogans

G-Rated

This grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup.

She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"

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