March 30, 2009
Alaska - Land of Unique Problems
G-RatedSee the rest of "Alaska - Land of Unique Problems"
March 29, 2009
A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger.
See the rest of "Johnny's Balloon"
March 27, 2009
The cold season is upon us, so be careful what you take!!!
See the rest of "Cough Medicine"
March 26, 2009
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:
See the rest of "Southern Advice"
March 25, 2009
I Like the Way that You're Thinking
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
See the rest of "I Like the Way that You're Thinking"
March 24, 2009
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
See the rest of "Headaches"
March 23, 2009
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show.
See the rest of "The Ventriloquist"
15 Stupid Things Said by Bimbos
G-Rated1. "What's Wal-Mart? Do they, like, make walls there?" - Paris Hilton
2. "Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields
See the rest of "15 Stupid Things Said by Bimbos"
March 22, 2009
A woman walks into the Mississippi welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
"WOW!" the social worker exclaims. "Are they all yours?"See the rest of "15 Kids"
March 21, 2009
PG-RatedA little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
See the rest of "$100"
March 20, 2009
Blondes Digging Holes
G-RatedTwo blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
See the rest of "Blondes Digging Holes"
March 19, 2009
Blonde Ambition [PIC]
PG-RatedSee the rest of "Blonde Ambition [PIC]"
March 18, 2009
A Few of Life's Unanswered Questions
G-Rated** Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
** Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
See the rest of "A Few of Life's Unanswered Questions"
March 17, 2009
And the University studies concluded...
R-RatedIn 1997, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000,they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
See the rest of "And the University studies concluded..."
March 16, 2009
PG-RatedA couple has a dog that snores.
Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. "Yeah right!" she says.
See the rest of "Snoring Dogs"
March 15, 2009
Senior Eye Test [PIC]
Do you see sheep?See the rest of "Senior Eye Test [PIC]"
March 14, 2009
I'll Do It My Way [PIC]
R-RatedSee the rest of "I'll Do It My Way [PIC]"
March 13, 2009
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."See the rest of "The Bathtub Test"
March 12, 2009
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.See the rest of "THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN"
March 11, 2009
Is This What It Took? [PIC]
My High School yrs would have been a good bit different had I known about this.See the rest of "Is This What It Took? [PIC]"
March 10, 2009
Age Old Wisdom
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man
is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.
-- John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do
read the newspaper you are misinformed.
-- Mark Twain
March 9, 2009
Gracious Sarah Palin
The election is over. It is time to repair friendships with the other party, and Governor Sarah Palin is doing her part to do just that. The rest of the world cannot understand how, after bitter election campaigns, American politicians can kiss and make up.See the rest of "Gracious Sarah Palin"
March 8, 2009
Michaelangelo's David To Be Returned To Italy [PICS]
After a two year loan to the United States, Michelangelo's David is being returned to Italy.See the rest of "Michaelangelo's David To Be Returned To Italy [PICS]"
March 7, 2009
A Point of View
Barbara Walters of Television's 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.See the rest of "A Point of View"
March 6, 2009
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.See the rest of "Financial Definitions"
March 5, 2009
Boy Kittens and Girl Kittens
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,
"There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."
"How did you know that?" his mother asked.See the rest of "Boy Kittens and Girl Kittens"
March 4, 2009
A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.
After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
"Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks.See the rest of "Social Security"
March 3, 2009
HOW DID WE SURVIVE?
Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have. As children we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.See the rest of "HOW DID WE SURVIVE?"
March 2, 2009
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep
the chips and dip coming.
--Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they Grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who
you're stuck with.
--Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?See the rest of "HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?"
March 1, 2009
This grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup.
She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"See the rest of "Slogans"