December 31, 2008

Always Check Your Child's Homework [PIC]

PG-Rated

What do you think mommy's career might be?

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December 30, 2008

Strange Noise

PG-Rated

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked: 'What in the world are you doing?'

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December 29, 2008

Ads from the 50's [PICS]

PG-Rated

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December 26, 2008

THE BLONDE AND THE LORD

G-Rated

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

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December 23, 2008

Christmas Spirit??? [PIC]

X-Rated

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December 22, 2008

Winter Poem [PIC]

PG-Rated

I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you. It was to me, and it's very well written.

I felt it really captured my own feelings about winter.

'WINTER'
a poem by
Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

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December 21, 2008

Snow Fairy [PIC]

R-Rated

There is talk up North about a Snow Fairy who appears at night and shovels sidewalks and driveways.

During the recent storms he was sighted and someone was lucky enough to get his picture!

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December 20, 2008

Holiday Eating Tips

G-Rated

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

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December 19, 2008

Weeweechu

G-Rated

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, Rosita, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

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December 12, 2008

Why Some Men Have Dogs, Not Wives

PG-Rated

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

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December 9, 2008

Remarkable Discovery

PG-Rated

Canadian Medical Association researchers have made a Remarkable discovery.

It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may Benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.

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December 8, 2008

Fly on the Windshield

R-Rated

A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and sliced the man's penis off. Angrily, she tossed it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple was a man and his 6-year-old daughter. The little girl was chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the penis smacked their car windshield, stuck for a moment, then flew off.

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December 7, 2008

American Businessman in Japan

PG-Rated

An American salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan . Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'But down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes'.

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 'Manicures $20.00'.

'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 cents'.

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December 5, 2008

A Riddle

PG-Rated

What Gets Longer When Pulled,
Fits Between your Boobs,
Inserts Neatly in a Hole
AND Works Best When Jerked?

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