June 30, 2008
Blonde and the Christmas Tree
There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.See the rest of "Blonde and the Christmas Tree"
June 29, 2008
Working in the Dark
Two factory workers were talking.
"I think I'll take some time off from work." Said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.See the rest of "Working in the Dark"
June 28, 2008
Minnesotians and their computers
01. BYTE: how Lena stops Ole's advances.
02. LOG ON: dats how ya make da vood stove hotter.
03. LOG OFF: vhat Sven vas trying to do vhen he burnt his hands terrible.See the rest of "Minnesotians and their computers"
June 27, 2008
Buford Goes to the Doctor
Buford walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Buford said Shingles. So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.See the rest of "Buford Goes to the Doctor"
June 26, 2008
THE CLASS OF 2007
Just in case you weren't feeling old enough today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the Faculty a sense of the mindset of the year's incoming freshman.
Here is the 2007 list:See the rest of "THE CLASS OF 2007"
June 25, 2008
Hillbillies and Texans
Three Hillbillies from West Virginia and three Texans are traveling by train to the Super Bowl in Florida. At the station, the three Texans each buy a ticket and watch as the three Hillbillies buy just one ticket between them.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Texans.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the Hillbillies.See the rest of "Hillbillies and Texans"
June 24, 2008
Definition Question [PICS]
Is this statutory rape?See the rest of "Definition Question [PICS]"
June 23, 2008
Flying Lessons [PIC]
My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.
Yesterday afternoon she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Northern Alabama because of bad weather. Thank God our kids were with me at the Beach House this weekend.
The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: She was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.
The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.
Photographs below were taken at the scene show the extent of damage to her aircraft.See the rest of "Flying Lessons [PIC]"
June 22, 2008
How to be Cruel to Old Guys... [PIC]
PG-RatedSee the rest of "How to be Cruel to Old Guys... [PIC]"
June 21, 2008
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.See the rest of "Daddy Longlegs"
June 20, 2008
The Aisle Seat
Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat... Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.' 'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'See the rest of "The Aisle Seat"
June 14, 2008
1 My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't .
2 . I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them!
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.See the rest of "29 Lines"
June 13, 2008
Greatest Ass in the World Contest [PICS]
Difficult choice but don't be swayed by just good looks.
Here they are; the three male finalists for the '2007 Greatest Ass in the World Contest'.See the rest of "Greatest Ass in the World Contest [PICS]"
June 12, 2008
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him.
'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'See the rest of "Carmen"
June 11, 2008
Light at the End of the Tunnel [PIC]
No matter what situations life throws at you...
No matter how long and treacherous
Your journey may seem...
Remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!See the rest of "Light at the End of the Tunnel [PIC]"
June 10, 2008
A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a Party & invited all of his buddies & neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only black man in the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters, BBQ & flirting with all the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10ft man-eating gator in my pool & I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.'See the rest of "Leroy"
June 9, 2008
"Actual Letter?" Perhaps not, but funny nonetheless...
This is an actual letter from an Austin Texas woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.See the rest of "Maxi Laugh"
June 8, 2008
How to treat a Woman:
Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her.See the rest of "Treatment"
June 7, 2008
Who are You Voting For?
Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain were flying to a debate. Barack looked at Hillary, Chuckled and said, "You know I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."See the rest of "Who are You Voting For?"
June 6, 2008
Another Cat Found [PIC]
Hi, I found a cat today near the arboretum. She's black with white stripes down her back. She seems a little standoffish. Does not get along well with children.
She doesn't have a collar, but seems to be an indoor cat and went without hesitation for a can of cat food I opened for her.
I think she's been away from home a while. She's quite smelly. May need a bath.
Small rehoming fee (to cover the cost of the litterbox and cat food).See the rest of "Another Cat Found [PIC]"
June 5, 2008
Cat Found [PIC]
G-RatedSee the rest of "Cat Found [PIC]"
June 4, 2008
The Rules - According to Men
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
We always hear ' the rules' From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.See the rest of "The Rules - According to Men"
June 3, 2008
Speeding - Good, Better and Best
GOOD: Seattle, WA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD'. The officer also found the boy had an accomplice who was down the road with a sign reading 'TIPS' and a bucket full of money (And we used to just sell lemonade!)See the rest of "Speeding - Good, Better and Best"