December 31, 2007

Sing Along with George

PG-Rated

Sung to the tune of "If you're happy and you know it, clap
your hands!"

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

See the rest of "Sing Along with George"

December 30, 2007

The Debutante Ball

PG-Rated

In the mid 1960s a US Navy cruiser put into port in Mobile, Alabama for a week's R&R.

The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a very wealthy plantation owner and industrialist:

See the rest of "The Debutante Ball"

December 29, 2007

Three Dead Bodies

PG-Rated

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.

See the rest of "Three Dead Bodies"

December 28, 2007

Gynecologist

PG-Rated

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.

"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me."

"This one's kind of strange..."

See the rest of "Gynecologist"

December 27, 2007

Prognosis Good

G-Rated

"Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son."

"OK: He's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery."

See the rest of "Prognosis Good"

December 26, 2007

Cowboys

R-Rated

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position.

One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I haven't ever heard of that one", says the other cowboy, "What is it?"

See the rest of "Cowboys"

December 25, 2007

Big Fire

PG-Rated

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into flames. The alarm went out to the fire departments from miles around. When the volunteer firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

See the rest of "Big Fire"

December 24, 2007

School Reports

G-Rated

The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling!

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

See the rest of "School Reports"

December 23, 2007

Indian Humor

PG-Rated

The Wisdom of a Navajo Woman

A saleswoman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she sees a Navajo woman hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Navajo woman climbs in.

During their small talk, the Navajo woman glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them.

See the rest of "Indian Humor"

December 22, 2007

Uh oh... [PIC]

PG-Rated

See the rest of "Uh oh... [PIC]"

December 21, 2007

Two Drops

G-Rated

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,

'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today..'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'

See the rest of "Two Drops"

December 19, 2007

The Funeral

G-Rated

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

See the rest of "The Funeral"

December 18, 2007

How many women?

PG-Rated

How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

Woman's Answer:

See the rest of "How many women?"

December 17, 2007

Bugs Be Gone

PG-Rated

A woman was having a intense and passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to the lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

See the rest of "Bugs Be Gone"

December 15, 2007

Armed Forces recruiting tools [PICS]

R-Rated

See the rest of "Armed Forces recruiting tools [PICS]"

December 14, 2007

50 years

PG-Rated

A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and says, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looks up at her and says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."

See the rest of "50 years"

December 13, 2007

TWEETY AND SYLVESTER

PG-Rated

Watch this until Sylvester catches Tweety.

(Wait for it. It's worth it)...

AFTER Tweety is caught, scroll down or click on the link...

image

See the rest of "TWEETY AND SYLVESTER"

December 12, 2007

Dangerous, Watch for Hump in the Road! [PIC]

PG-Rated

See the rest of "Dangerous, Watch for Hump in the Road! [PIC]"

December 11, 2007

Newlyweds

PG-Rated

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he's not very experienced himself. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

See the rest of "Newlyweds"

December 10, 2007

We See - They See [PICS]

G-Rated

See the rest of "We See - They See [PICS]"

December 9, 2007

Geezer Streaker

G-Rated

Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall when a flower show was in progress.

One leaned over to the other and said, "Cripes! life is boring, we never have any fun these days. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!"

See the rest of "Geezer Streaker"

December 8, 2007

Having a Bad Day?

PG-Rated

Are you having a "I hate my job" day? Try this:

See the rest of "Having a Bad Day?"

December 7, 2007

Do it yourselfer

PG-Rated

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

See the rest of "Do it yourselfer"

December 6, 2007

WOMEN'S REVENGE

G-Rated

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

See the rest of "WOMEN'S REVENGE"

December 5, 2007

A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

G-Rated

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

See the rest of "A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST"

December 4, 2007

Heaven or Hell

PG-Rated

Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter.

"Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the politician.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

See the rest of "Heaven or Hell"

December 3, 2007

DYING IRISH NUN

PG-Rated

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it.

Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

See the rest of "DYING IRISH NUN"

December 2, 2007

DOG OR DAWG?

G-Rated

To all you dog lovers out there and those who understand the difference between Yankees and Southerners...

A Translation Of Yankee Dogs To Southern Dawgs

(Yankee) German Shepherd Dog
(Southern) Poh-leece Dawg

(Yankee) Poodle
(Southern) Circus Dawg

See the rest of "DOG OR DAWG?"

December 1, 2007

Ghosts?

PG-Rated

A professor at the University of West Virginia was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?"

See the rest of "Ghosts?"