October 31, 2007

2008 Naked Fireman Poster [PIC]

PG-Rated

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October 30, 2007

Why the new guy at the ice cream parlour got fired ... [PIC]

R-Rated

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October 29, 2007

Last Day on the Job [PICS]

PG-Rated

Just before or just after being fired ... but fired, nonetheless.

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October 28, 2007

THE 5 ANSWERS FOR MEN WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

R-Rated

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?

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October 27, 2007

Little Judy

R-Rated

Little Judy came home from school with a smile on her face and told her Mother, "Tommy showed me his willy today!"

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October 26, 2007

Unknown Windows Tricks... [PICS]

PG-Rated

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October 25, 2007

Size Matters

PG-Rated

A lady goes into a bar and sees a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He has on the biggest boots she's ever seen.

The woman asks the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.

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October 24, 2007

Another Enron?

G-Rated

I normally avoid discussing any advice received from my broker but felt this is important enough to share and warn you since this explosive situation might prove to be another ENRON.

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October 23, 2007

I am fine, how are you?

G-Rated

There's nothing the matter with me,
I'm just as healthy as can be,
I have arthritis in both knees,
And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak, my blood is thin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.

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October 22, 2007

A Tribute

G-Rated

One Sunday morning, a preacher in a small country church in Georgia noticed that a little boy named Billy was staring up at the plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of the plaque. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the preacher walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Billy."

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October 21, 2007

One Man's Opinion

PG-Rated

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to yell. Let me relate how I handle the situation.

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October 20, 2007

Blonde Not Am I [photo]

G-Rated

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October 19, 2007

Grab Me!

PG-Rated

Suzanne goes into Wal-Mart and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the Toaster she bought because it doesn't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

All of a sudden, Suzanne throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming "GRAB MY BREASTS!! GRAB MY BREASTS!!!"

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October 18, 2007

Vampire Humor

PG-Rated

[Worst. Pun. Ever.]

Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy because they had heard that Italian food was really good. So off they went to Italy and ended up in Venice. On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner.

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October 17, 2007

Timbuktu

PG-Rated

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semi-finalists a Yale graduate and a redneck from Alabama. They were given a word and two minutes to come up with a poem that included the word. The word they were given was Timbuktu. The first to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. Into the microphone he read:

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October 16, 2007

Shirley Goodnest

PG-Rated

Timmy was a five year old boy. His mother loved him very much. A worrier, she was concerned when he started kindergarten about his walking to school. She walked him to school for a couple of days, but one day he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school every day. He wanted to be like the "big boys." She had an idea how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, to follow her son surreptitiously to school, at a distance that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him.

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October 15, 2007

SHOW AND TELL

PG-Rated

(How would you like to be this teacher?)

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and some guaranteed entertainment.

Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, never place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

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October 13, 2007

Changing Times

PG-Rated

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, she consulted the family doctor.

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October 12, 2007

Boat Anchor [photo]

G-Rated

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October 11, 2007

Grandma's Letter

PG-Rated

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

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October 10, 2007

How to Get a Girl to go Fishing [photo]

R-Rated

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October 9, 2007

The Model

PG-Rated

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a tenant for their terrace house. After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a nearby city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like to rent the room.

"There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to take a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath."

"That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it in to the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water."

"What about your husband?" asked the model.

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October 8, 2007

The Theology of Kids

G-Rated

1. Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Amanda

2. Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Joyce

3. Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot. Janet

4. Dear God, If we come back as somebody else, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton - because I hate her. Denise

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October 7, 2007

Car For Sale [photo]

G-Rated

NEWFOUNDLAND USED CAR FOR SALE:

a.. 1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf
b.. Only 15 km
c.. Only first gear and reverse used
d.. Used only in Newfoundland
e.. Never driven hard
f.. Original tires
g.. Original brakes
h.. Original fuel and oil
i.. Only 1 driver
j.. Owner wishing to sell due to employment lay-off
k.. See photo

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October 6, 2007

Fishing Trip

PG-Rated

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.

The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

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October 5, 2007

Tarzan and Jane

PG-Rated

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.

"Tarzan not know sex," he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

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October 4, 2007

Raise in Salary

PG-Rated

Letter from the Penis:

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

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October 3, 2007

Company Picnic [photo]

R-Rated

Memorandum

To: All Company Employees
Re: Company Picnic

We are glad we had a great employee turnout for the first, and last, company picnic.

While everyone seemed to enjoy themselves our group did not exactly portray the public image we wish to convey.

Additionally we are now seeking candidates for the position of "Executive Secretary".

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October 2, 2007

Mother In Law

G-Rated

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation, while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial.

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October 1, 2007

No One is Above Suspicion [photo]

G-Rated

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