September 30, 2006
Reach Out
PG-Rated
As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for an important interview, my eyes fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds who are found in every city these days.
Wearing what can only be describes as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.
Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.
Recalling some long ago Sunday School admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful, inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.
Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out!" So I did..........
See the rest of "Reach Out"September 29, 2006
Stuttering Animals
R-Rated
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. "
See the rest of "Stuttering Animals"September 28, 2006
Bubba and the twins
G-Rated
Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma.
After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
See the rest of "Bubba and the twins"September 27, 2006
The most popular guy in prison
R-Rated
See the rest of "The most popular guy in prison"September 26, 2006
Fairy Godmothers
G-Rated
A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
See the rest of "Fairy Godmothers"September 25, 2006
It Sorta Makes Sense
G-Rated
Farmer Joe decided that his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible to court. In court the trucking company's lawyer asked Farmer Joe, "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"
In response, Farmer Joe started to talk about loading his favorite mule Bessie into the trailer.
See the rest of "It Sorta Makes Sense"September 24, 2006
Air Bags
R-Rated
In this state, it is the law to be buckled up while driving. So as the Official Seat Belt Inspector, I will be around to insure a proper fit and full compliance with the law.. . .
See the rest of "Air Bags"September 23, 2006
High Tech
PG-Rated
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly.
"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
See the rest of "High Tech"September 22, 2006
HMO
PG-Rated
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results. The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible!"
"What do you mean?"
See the rest of "HMO"September 21, 2006
Eating with Children
G-Rated
A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work, and everyone was encouraged to bring their children.
All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker's three-year-old girl stared at the man sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.
See the rest of "Eating with Children"September 20, 2006
How to Tell ... with Flies
PG-Rated
Stopped at a friends house the other day and found him stalkin around with a flyswatter. When I asked if he was gettin any flies, heanswered, "Yeah, 3 males and 2 females".
See the rest of "How to Tell ... with Flies"September 19, 2006
It's a Puzzle, Alright
G-Rated
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
See the rest of "It's a Puzzle, Alright"September 18, 2006
How to Give 103%
PG-Rated
I thought you might appreciate the mathematical depth of this. We have all been to those meetings or have worked for someone where they want more than 100%. Here's to achieving 103%...
See the rest of "How to Give 103%"September 17, 2006
Late Night Discussion
PG-Rated
Husband: Oh, come on.
Wife: Leave me alone!
Husband: It won't take long.
Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Husband: I can't sleep without it.
See the rest of "Late Night Discussion"September 16, 2006
Breaking News from the University!
PG-Rated
In response to the many positive comments concerning our new MA (Male Arts) degree, the Faculty Senate and Board of Trustees today gave their final approval to the PHD (Praise Husband Daily) degree. Enrollment will be limited to married females. This interdepartmental degree does not require a departmental major, but is rather a prescribed course of study with some available electives (see below). All courses, with the exception of elective courses, must be taken in sequence. The goal of this degree should attract many candidates: Become a Real Woman!
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule
FEM 101: Debunking the Feminine Mystique
FEM 102: Beginning Practical Plumbing
FEM 103: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
FEM 104: Why Men Would Rather Choose Their Own Neckties, Cufflinks, and Cologne
(guest lecturers and required field trips)
September 15, 2006
Top 10 Reasons to Go to Work Naked
G-Rated
10. No one ever steals your chair.
9. Gives bad hair day a whole new meaning.
See the rest of "Top 10 Reasons to Go to Work Naked"September 14, 2006
Fascinating Facts from Biology
PG-Rated
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat up one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now, that's more like it!)
See the rest of "Fascinating Facts from Biology"September 13, 2006
Natalie
PG-Rated
The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.
"Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..."
See the rest of "Natalie"September 12, 2006
Painted ceiling for a smoking area
G-Rated
See the rest of "Painted ceiling for a smoking area"September 11, 2006
The Bear Blessing (w/ Penguins)
G-Rated
Wishing you, in your busy life...
Time for Relaxation
September 10, 2006
Old Friends
G-Rated
Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old?" well... You'll love this one!
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago.
See the rest of "Old Friends"September 9, 2006
The Old Man, the Boy and the Donkey
PG-Rated
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding. The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
See the rest of "The Old Man, the Boy and the Donkey"September 8, 2006
Redneck Air Conditioning
G-Rated
See the rest of "Redneck Air Conditioning"September 7, 2006
CATHOLIC GASOLINE
G-Rated
Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.
As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.
See the rest of "CATHOLIC GASOLINE"September 6, 2006
Al Queida blow job
R-Rated
See the rest of "Al Queida blow job"September 5, 2006
Finish the Story
PG-Rated
Little Georgie watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Georgie found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
See the rest of "Finish the Story"September 4, 2006
Breakfast
PG-Rated
She was in the kitchen doing boiled eggs for breakfast.
He walks in and asks "What's for breakfast?"
She turns to him and says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment".
See the rest of "Breakfast"September 3, 2006
Spot the Fake
R-Rated
OK....From the Following seven pictures, can you spot the fake photo?
See the rest of "Spot the Fake"September 2, 2006
Man of the House
G-Rated
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled "You Can Be the Man of Your House".
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law!
See the rest of "Man of the House"September 1, 2006
Virgin #1
PG-Rated
Al Qaeda leader "Abu Musab al-Zarqawi," killed by US Forces in Iraq, has just met with the first of the 72 virgins that Allah promised him...
See the rest of "Virgin #1"