January 31, 2006
Painful Gandhi Pun...
G-Rated
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....
See the rest of "Painful Gandhi Pun..."January 29, 2006
Redneck Facts
G-Rated
Did you hear about the guy from Alabama who passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the front desk replies, "Go ahead."
See the rest of "Redneck Facts"January 28, 2006
Taxi Driver
G-Rated
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder in order to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
See the rest of "Taxi Driver"January 27, 2006
A Love Story
PG-Rated
I will seek and find you . . .
I will take you to bed and control you . . .
See the rest of "A Love Story"Girls and Boys
PG-Rated
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they sat together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought turkey sandwiches every day!
See the rest of "Girls and Boys"January 26, 2006
If Men Had Invented Bras
PG-Rated
See the rest of "If Men Had Invented Bras"January 25, 2006
NEW RULES for 2006
PG-Rated
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
See the rest of "NEW RULES for 2006"January 24, 2006
Dangerous Drug
PG-Rated
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."
See the rest of "Dangerous Drug"January 23, 2006
WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN
G-Rated
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Jan. 30, 2006
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY OF CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll - Does It Change Itself? -----Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
See the rest of "WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN"January 22, 2006
25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
G-Rated
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
See the rest of "25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP"January 21, 2006
THE 5 STAGES OF A FEMALE'S LIFE
R-Rated
1. To Grow Up
The Value of Undies
G-Rated
Be careful what you wear (or don't wear), when working under your vehicle...especially in public.
From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot.
See the rest of "The Value of Undies"January 20, 2006
An Attractive Woman
G-Rated
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
See the rest of "An Attractive Woman"January 19, 2006
Minnesota Women
G-Rated
Three men were traveling and happened to meet at a bar in Ohio. One man was from Texas, one from Florida and one from Minnesota. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives.
See the rest of "Minnesota Women"January 18, 2006
Golf
PG-Rated
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who he is serving.
See the rest of "Golf"January 17, 2006
Explain God
G-Rated
It was written by an 8-year-old, Danny Dutton of Chula Vista, CA, for his third-grade homework assignment. The assignment was to explain God. Wonder if any of us could do as well?"
One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leaves that to mothers and fathers.
See the rest of "Explain God"January 16, 2006
The Wedding Night
PG-Rated
At 85 years of age, Morris marries LouAnne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her
new husband is so old, LouAnne decides that on their wedding night,
she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her
new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night
together.
January 15, 2006
Man of the House
PG-Rated
For all those guys who are King... at least until their wife gets home. ...
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie. "And how did this one end?"
See the rest of "Man of the House"January 14, 2006
Working The System
G-Rated
I was going to bed the other night when my neighbor called me and told me that I had left my shed light on. As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in my shed taking things to their truck.
I quickly phoned the Miami-Dade County (Fla.) Sheriff's Department, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they would be available.
See the rest of "Working The System"January 13, 2006
The Age Barometer
G-Rated
Count how many you remember...
See the rest of "The Age Barometer"January 12, 2006
Name Change
R-Rated
A good looking man walks into an agent's office in Hollywood and says "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with extensive experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
See the rest of "Name Change"Help from Canada
G-Rated
You may have heard that the Canadian government has decided to assist the USA in the war against terrorism. They have agreed to send:
See the rest of "Help from Canada"January 11, 2006
Prayers
PG-Rated
FEMALE PRAYER:
Before I lay me down to sleep...
See the rest of "Prayers"January 10, 2006
Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device
G-Rated
Trade named: BOOK
BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
See the rest of "Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device"January 9, 2006
Guts? Or Balls?
PG-Rated
We've all heard about men having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below.
See the rest of "Guts? Or Balls?"January 8, 2006
Real Ads...
PG-Rated
From a dogfood company in New Zealand
January 7, 2006
Does Mr. Webster know about these?
G-Rated
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
A.Female................Any part under a car's hood.
B.Male..................The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
January 6, 2006
No sense of humor
PG-Rated
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we are in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
See the rest of "No sense of humor"January 5, 2006
Every Man's Favorite Street Corner
PG-Rated
See the rest of "Every Man's Favorite Street Corner"January 4, 2006
Grandpa's new Cowboy Boots
PG-Rated
An elderly couple is vacationing in the Sun City West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
Upon arriving home, He walks into their room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Bessie?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
See the rest of "Grandpa's new Cowboy Boots"January 3, 2006
Bill, Al and Dubya
G-Rated
Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order to shoot him was given, he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.
See the rest of "Bill, Al and Dubya"January 2, 2006
Analogy?
G-Rated
Men are like fine wine.
See the rest of "Analogy?"January 1, 2006
The Ranch Hand
PG-Rated
There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
See the rest of "The Ranch Hand"