November 30, 2005

Coin Retrieval

PG-Rated

A dad walks into a market with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

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November 29, 2005

Two Lawyers on an Island

PG-Rated

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food. And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming. One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow. I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction."

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November 28, 2005

Dressing your pets is just wrong...

G-Rated

[OK, so I'm not a big fan of dressing up pets ... though occasionally it happens. However these, as far as I'm concerned, are simply more evidence that it's a bad, bad idea. Funny, but oh so wrong. - ed.]

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November 27, 2005

Fish Story

G-Rated

A hillbilly was stopped by a game warden in West Virginia recently with two ice chests of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, sir, I ain't got none of them there licenses, no. You must understand these here are my pet fish."

See the rest of "Fish Story"

November 26, 2005

Two Nuns

PG-Rated

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

See the rest of "Two Nuns"

November 25, 2005

Life is Hard

PG-Rated

Yesterday I got Preparation 'H' mixed up with Poli-Grip.

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November 22, 2005

Escaped Convict

PG-Rated

A convict escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband hisses to his wife:

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November 21, 2005

"OLD" is when...

PG-Rated

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love,"and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"

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November 20, 2005

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE

PG-Rated

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

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November 19, 2005

Surgeons

PG-Rated

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in the State of Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I reattached them, and 8 months later, he performed a private concert for the Queen of England!"

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November 16, 2005

Redneck Scrapbook

PG-Rated

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November 15, 2005

GAMES FOR WHEN YOU ARE OLDER

G-Rated

1. Sag, You're it.

2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.

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Just Rewards?

R-Rated

Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

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November 14, 2005

THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

PG-Rated

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

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November 11, 2005

Worst First Date - EVER

PG-Rated

We have all had bad dates, but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

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Tennessee Bird Dog

G-Rated

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November 10, 2005

Baby's First Exam

PG-Rated

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

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November 9, 2005

Cooking

G-Rated

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.

See the rest of "Cooking"

November 8, 2005

Watch out for this scam

G-Rated

This new scam is being pulled mainly on older women who are apparently passed the age of giving a running pursuit.

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November 7, 2005

3 Old Ladies from Florida

G-Rated

This is a detective story ... So Pay Close Attention!!!

Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game. They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniels into the ball park.

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November 6, 2005

Quintessential Jewish (or any other kind of) Mother

G-Rated

Telephone rings and Jewish Mother answers.......

Jewish Mother
Hello?

Daughter
Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?

Jewish Mother
You're going out?

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November 5, 2005

"The Last Photo I Ever Took" Contest...

G-Rated

And the winners are...

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November 4, 2005

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

G-Rated

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

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If looks could kill

G-Rated

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November 3, 2005

The story behind a lot of lives...

R-Rated

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November 2, 2005

Snow

PG-Rated

A lady goes on vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, "What is your name?"

"I can't tell you," the black man says.

Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he can't tell her.

See the rest of "Snow"

November 1, 2005

Pet Costumes

G-Rated

[I'm morally opposed to dressing up pets, however ...]

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