October 31, 2005
Deer Tick Warning
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings... but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list:See the rest of "Deer Tick Warning"
October 30, 2005
Mother in law humor
A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on a vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150."See the rest of "Mother in law humor"
October 29, 2005
Why I fired my secretary
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "happy birthday."
I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids came into breakfast and didn't say a word.See the rest of "Why I fired my secretary"
Some Halloween costumes are just wrong
See the rest of "Some Halloween costumes are just wrong"
October 28, 2005
Where *do* they come from?
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.See the rest of "Where *do* they come from?"
October 27, 2005
Why Women Live Longer than Men
See the rest of "Why Women Live Longer than Men"
The Clinton Library Is Opened
The CLINTON LIBRARY is opened now.... and they have revealed the Official Portrait:See the rest of "The Clinton Library Is Opened"
October 26, 2005
Correct Beer Temperature
For the true and discriminating aficionado, a glass of the finest beer should only be partaken if it is the correct temperature. The subtle nuance of the melded grains, the fragile and fleeting taste of the brewers art, can only be truly appreciated if that golden elixir is properly chilled.See the rest of "Correct Beer Temperature"
Animals Are Really People in Disguise...
See the rest of "Animals Are Really People in Disguise..."
WHAT PART OF QUIET DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND??
"IT'S A GUY THING" Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.See the rest of "Understanding Men"
October 25, 2005
Hillary and the School Kids
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk, she has a "question & answer" period. One little boy raises his hand and the Senator asks him for his name.
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have two questions:
1st-Why would you want to run for President after your husband shamed the office?
2nd-Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess.See the rest of "Hillary and the School Kids"
Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars.See the rest of "Martha..."
The state of the law...
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse?See the rest of "The state of the law..."
October 24, 2005
Best Drunk Story Ever
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar, and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your mom's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"See the rest of "Best Drunk Story Ever"
October 23, 2005
Three ducks go into a bar...
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.See the rest of "Three ducks go into a bar..."
October 22, 2005
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.See the rest of "Ethics Test"
October 17, 2005
The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven which part of your body goes first?
" Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"See the rest of "Little Johnny"
October 16, 2005
Jennifer visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:See the rest of "The Psychic"
Wanna see my boobees?
G-RatedSee the rest of "Wanna see my boobees?"
October 12, 2005
The Box Under Bill and Hillary's Bed
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.
In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.See the rest of "The Box Under Bill and Hillary's Bed"
October 11, 2005
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. About seven minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.
The top ten were:See the rest of "Slogans"
October 9, 2005
A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.See the rest of "A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD"
October 7, 2005
Birds of a Feather
Birds of a feather flock together ... and crap on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.See the rest of "Birds of a Feather"
October 3, 2005
An updated fairy tale
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.See the rest of "An updated fairy tale"