February 28, 2005

Geek Laws

G-Rated

Gilb's Third Law of Unreliability:
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.

Troutman's Second Programming Postulate
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.

See the rest of "Geek Laws"

February 26, 2005

A He Or She?

G-Rated

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He noted how hurricanes at one time were given only female names, and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she." One of the students raised her hand and asked,  "What gender is a computer?"

See the rest of "A He Or She?"

February 25, 2005

It's a Miracle!

PG-Rated

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.

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February 24, 2005

40th Anniversary

PG-Rated

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

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February 23, 2005

Young Priest

G-Rated

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."

See the rest of "Young Priest"

February 22, 2005

The Perfect Dog

G-Rated

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February 21, 2005

Pet Antics

G-Rated


Hey... Gimmee my BALL back!!

See the rest of "Pet Antics"

February 20, 2005

State Mottos

G-Rated

ALABAMA - HELL, YE-AH! WE HAVE ELECTRICITY.

ALASKA - 11,623 ESKIMOS CAN'T BE WRONG.

ARIZONA - BUT IT'S A DRY HEAT.

ARKANSAS - LITERACY AIN'T EVERYTHING.

See the rest of "State Mottos"

February 19, 2005

History of Teach Math

G-Rated

Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this?

See the rest of "History of Teach Math"

Remodeled

PG-Rated

Something I know we all have been waiting for has finally happened!

You can expect to hear from me even more frequently now!

I Finally got the bathroom remodeled!

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February 18, 2005

Hot Flashes

R-Rated

Ever wonder what a hot flash feels like?

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February 15, 2005

Ex Husbands

G-Rated

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

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February 14, 2005

Husband of the Year Awards

G-Rated

3rd Place goes to: Albania

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February 13, 2005

Pets

G-Rated

Pets bring so much love and wonder into our lives!


Sometimes, they seem almost human.

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February 12, 2005

NEW BREEDS OF DOGS

G-Rated

NEW BREEDS OF DOGS

The following breeds are now being considered for recognition by the AKC:

Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

See the rest of "NEW BREEDS OF DOGS"

February 11, 2005

Finances

PG-Rated

A Florida couple, both well into their 70's, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

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February 9, 2005

Graveside Services

PG-Rated

A young preacher was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a man who died with no family or friends. The funeral was held way back in the country and the young preacher got lost on the way.

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Engineers try to explain Women

G-Rated

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February 8, 2005

Birthin' Time

G-Rated

In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing."

See the rest of "Birthin' Time"

February 6, 2005

Ratings

G-Rated

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect and they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

See the rest of "Ratings"

February 5, 2005

K-Y

PG-Rated

My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight."

See the rest of "K-Y"

Moods

PG-Rated

See the rest of "Moods"

February 3, 2005

The ID Ten T Error

G-Rated

Young Judy was having trouble with her computer. So she called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk. Tony clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

See the rest of "The ID Ten T Error"

February 2, 2005

The Power of Flight

PG-Rated

One night a 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 yr old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment...killing him instantly.

See the rest of "The Power of Flight"

50th Anniversary

PG-Rated

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a Laredo Texas cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."

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February 1, 2005

WOMEN'S HUMOR

PG-Rated

My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight."

See the rest of "WOMEN'S HUMOR"