December 31, 2004
The Best Way to Learn Geometry
R-Rated
No, I didn't have this example in school, sad to say ...
See the rest of "The Best Way to Learn Geometry"Airplane Conversation
PG-Rated
Two strangers are sitting in an adjacent seats in airplane. One guy says to the other, "Let's talk. I hear that the flight will go faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
See the rest of "Airplane Conversation"Cards for Men
G-Rated
December 30, 2004
Let Sleeping Dogs ... Sleep
G-Rated
Born to be Wild
R-Rated
See the rest of "Born to be Wild"December 28, 2004
The Computer Swallowed Grandma
G-Rated
The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
Cup Sizes
R-Rated
Have you ever wondered why letters A through F are used to classify bra sizes?
See the rest of "Cup Sizes"December 26, 2004
The Mailman's Last Day
R-Rated
It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for $500.
See the rest of "The Mailman's Last Day"Who has the Implants?
R-Rated
Can you tell which of these young ladies has implants?
See the rest of "Who has the Implants?"Guess the Cup Size
PG-Rated
December 25, 2004
Senior Tour Bus
G-Rated
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, whenhe is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
See the rest of "Senior Tour Bus"December 24, 2004
Dog Rules
G-Rated
A list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
See the rest of "Dog Rules"December 23, 2004
A Dog's letter to God......
PG-Rated
Dear God:
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
See the rest of "A Dog's letter to God......"December 22, 2004
5 Kinds of Sex
PG-Rated
The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
See the rest of "5 Kinds of Sex"December 21, 2004
If Men Designed Bras
R-Rated
See the rest of "If Men Designed Bras"December 20, 2004
The Thermodynamic Characteristics of Hell
G-Rated
[This has been around forever it seems, usually prefixed by an attribution to the local University. It's still great, and as a U.W. alumnus, I'll just leave that part in, as received, this time, from my sister-in-law...]
This must explain why all the smart people end up at the University of Washington... Go Dawgs!
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
See the rest of "The Thermodynamic Characteristics of Hell"December 19, 2004
A Blonde Guy II
G-Rated
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said,"Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
See the rest of "A Blonde Guy II"The Secret to Longevity
PG-Rated
A passerby noticed an old lady sitting on her front step. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look. What is your secret for such a long, happy life?
See the rest of "The Secret to Longevity"December 18, 2004
Christmas Deals
PG-Rated
See the rest of "Christmas Deals"December 17, 2004
Chris Rock Quote
PG-Rated
"You know the world is going crazy when ...
See the rest of "Chris Rock Quote"December 15, 2004
A Woman's Version of the Night Before Christmas
G-Rated
T'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
December 13, 2004
Christmas at the Pealy Gates
G-Rated
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
See the rest of "Christmas at the Pealy Gates"December 12, 2004
GIFT WRAPPING WITH THE HELP OF YOUR CAT
G-Rated
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.
3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
See the rest of "GIFT WRAPPING WITH THE HELP OF YOUR CAT"The Making of Ice-Cream Cones...
PG-Rated
See the rest of "The Making of Ice-Cream Cones..."December 10, 2004
Christmas Wishes
G-Rated
If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you.
And deliver some things just inside your front door
Things you have lost, but treasured before.
December 6, 2004
Post-Election Christmas Card
PG-Rated
A Christmas card sent from a Democrat to his Republican Friend:
See the rest of "Post-Election Christmas Card"This year's most requested dolls
PG-Rated
December 4, 2004
Bubba Claus
PG-Rated
TO: All Parents
CC: Good Little Boys and Girls
FROM: Santa Claus
SUBJECT: Contract Negotiations, NORTH POLE
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming population of the earth, my contract was re-negotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local #209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Michigan.
See the rest of "Bubba Claus"December 3, 2004
Images of Christmas
R-Rated
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
PG-Rated
Paranoid Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.
See the rest of "Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged"December 2, 2004
Walkin' in a Doggie Wonderland
G-Rated
Dog tags ring, are you listenin'?
In the lane, snow is glistenin'.
It's yellow, NOT white - I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
December 1, 2004
Tequila Christmas Cake
PG-Rated
Ingredients:
1 cup of waterSee the rest of "Tequila Christmas Cake"
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups of dried fruit